Escape

Last night the weight of my desire to escape from pain weighed quite heavily on my heart. I just wanted to be outside myself, and although rather comfortable on the exterior, my insides were in turmoil. God was gracious though. I told him that I wanted to just be drunk, no scrap that, just dead. That was my last thought as my head hit the pillow. Just being honest. But that I wanted to run to him for him for comfort. A little. Small, waning desire to fight. And He multiplied it and blessed it. He actually gave it to me in the first place. Left to my own, I would destroy myself, little by little and then in whole. But He has redeemed me, and continues to save me, and there is no other explanation for my survival. Thank you. Now today my thoughts have been consumed again in anxiety and fear of the future. Specifically with the thought no girl will like me. But then he reminds me that He is sovereign over people's salvation, and if he can redeem us from utter rebellion then he can surely redeem relationships between people, and soon I have forgotten the potential pain of a broken heart and feel comfort knowing we will be Face to FACE WITH JESUS!! Meanwhile, I pray that You sovereign Lord would enable relationship in such a way that you are glorified. To the max.


Help me. Not or Ill fail. Or my failure will destroy. Thank you Redeemer of all things broken. Amen