M.I.A.

The last two days I was away from the computer, but not Mister Santiago. Actually quite refreshing. I tend towards rather ( severely ) addictive personality, and I don't want to be too attached to the feeling of completion in typing out time reading and pondering the Bible. All that to say, the past two days were rather meh blah duhh.. and I am actually quite okay with this, since its a good reality check, a fork in the side if you will. Todays verse was about being a doer of the word and not just a hearer, and yesterdays passage spoke about the implanted word of truth or some prepositional phrase I can't remember off hand.

The struggle of being a doer alongside a hearing does convict me, or atleast bring guilt to my conscience. Being a clean on the outside F%*$8ing the world and its empty charms Pharisee is what I love!!! Self righteous to the very core of my being. I love acting the part of the doer, and how sick and twisted is that?? This is much harder than it seems. Just like I cannot force a certain throughput of blood through my veins in the physical sense, I can't cause my heart to love doing right things because of Christ's redemptional work of all worldly history.

SO God forgive me that I think that most everyone around me is a lowly sinner and that I am your favorite since I am so squeaky clean. Forgive me that I AM boastful about your gift of salvation and lots of other things in an introspective, self-exalting way, rather than in a way that makes you look grandiose as you truly are. Waves of forgiveness are crashing around me and for that I am saved. And thankful. I love you, as one might love the image of their lover in a mirror or seeing them far off in the distance, and oh so much more when face to face in the radiance of warmth. Make me a doer from the inside out. Amen in Christ's name.