James

Tonight I was reacquainted with someone I never thought I would see again.  He was in a Target parking lot and just started walking and talking.  He said he had a car right over at the parking lot.  Then we kept walking and I asked if we could go get some gas.  He nervously darted his eyes around to see if anyone else heard his weird story, gave a crooked smile, and confessed 'i lied, im sorry.  but can i get a ride and get something to eat?'  what are you hungry for?
well, can you just give me the money, and Ill go get it?
well what are you hungry for?  lets go get something now. 
how about wendys?  no how about a five dollar foot long...
yeah that sounds good, lets go.  jump in.  her name is the pearl.  the black pearl.  ever seen pirates?
na man, whats that?
nevermind.....
so, can you give me some money?
nope! whats your name? im ben. 
james.
nice to meet you james. 
likewise....

and so the story goes.  i thought, i want to help this guy out, let him know why im helping him out, and then head down to chicago, before going to hawaii.


4 months later, just about to get home after a long night, going to have to get up in less than 7 hours to work an 11 hour day at the hell hole, and guess who starts waving me down at the second to last stop light.  Thats right, James.  I always ride with my windows down, except that  night.  too tired i suppose.  but i rolled it down, 80's car style, and said hey, since i recognized him.  He started talking really fast and saying he needed a ride to regions, and as the light turned, ran around, narrowly missed cars accelerating through the intersection, and banged on the door.  he was desparate and surprised, and i was just surprised.  this guy was like a fish that jumped on your line.  and all the fish you want seem to stay away from the lure and line, and definitely fight once they discover it has them entangled. 

hey man- ive seen you before, you remember me? subway and target?
huh? whats your name?
im ben-whats your name again?
hey can you get me to regions- take a right, right here now. 
where do you need to go?
regions, here, turn at this light. 
that's a dead end man- doesn't go through. were going down to eleventh
here, right here!! turn now!
that doesn't go through- where do you want to go??
can i have 5 dollars?
no man, you got to earn it.  why should i give you five dollars?
common. how about just 3 bucks

and so it went.  we were on franklin and cedar, within a couple miles of my house, so I knew the area a LOT better than he suspected a rando white dude looking like a guilty sucker who would give into a guy who just wanted a free ride and to be put on my payroll..without doing anything.

James is no skinny fellow either.  very clear conversationalist, persuasive and bold.  but very opposed to getting a job i think.  as i gave him a number and told him to call in two weeks, i just got frustrated with all the harassment and deceitfullness.  and i was tired. 

but then i thought about why i am so deserving of a car- a really sexy one at that.  always dependable, really inexpensive, and opens doors to tier of society that many will never reach.

secondly, who am i to think that i am so great for having a job and being consistent and not being addicted to whatever he was on.  how far removed if i didnt have a loving network of successful friends and college grads, an intact family, limitless possibilities and the like. 

and i take for granted a healthy body and mind (debatable after how indignant iwas at James) a solid job and house and grill and tons of other books, resources, clean clothes, clean laundry etc.  i cant say im super trendy or have it together, but most people accept me based on cleanliness (i think) for having our own shower, dental and health care.

so i am a ***** and a piece of ***** when it comes down to it.  what was my motivation anyways when i got him a sandwhich?  was that even real?  I think that some evaluation and open eyes will serve me well.  and hopefully help james find a job if i run into him again.

God, thanks for covering such a whorish heart as mine.  wanting pleasure and influence all to myself, apart from you.  and wanting honor that i could steal from you, glory that i could partition off in the minituare shrine that seems to be able to be hidden from you.  Jesus you are amazing.  Continue to sustain me.  Wash me. Grow me.  Save James.  Amen





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